Two o’clock eventually came, and unbelievably the guys were all on time. I heard a knock on the door to my room at 2:01. My heart immediately started racing and my face grew hot. “Someone’s got visitors!” Tuck sang out.
“Oh god,” I wondered. “What will the guys think of Tuck?” It didn’t really matter cause after this Tuck was going to be there for me no matter what. I was surprised to realize at that very instance that Tuck had become my best friend. He was more than just a nurse to me, he really was a friend. A friend that wiped my ass and bathed me everyday. But hey, what are friends for?
Ollie and Emmett burst through the door first with Zane following close behind. Ollie had a handful of balloons wrapped around his wrist. “Hey look what I stole from the kid in the next room, you like ‘em,?” I knew he was just fucking around, which made me smile.
“I’ll take those.” Tuck held out his hand towards Ollie. Ollie gave him a once-over in a quick glance before giving up the balloons. I couldn’t tell exactly what he thinking but knew that Ollie had never been crazy about gays.
The attention was pulled away from the balloons and refocused on me when Zane reached out to touch the metal support bars of my halo. “Dude, do you know that this things is screwed into your head?”
I had to laugh. “Uh, yeah. I’ve had some time to get used to it.”
Emmett spoke up next with a question I had been dreading but knew would soon be asked. “So…what’s up with your hands? Did you break them? Shouldn’t they be in a cast?”
I felt my face get hot all over again. Tuck spoke up in an effort to save me from bumbling through an explanation. “That’s what happens to your hands when they aren’t used for a very long time. He has no strength in them, so he can’t exercise them to make them strong again.”
“Oh” was the only response. Ollie asked the next question. “So how are you gonna get strong again if you’re layin’ up in bed all day? How long before you can come back home?”
I sighed. I knew the inevitable had finally reared its ugly head. I had hoped for at least five minutes of everyone pretending like nothing had changed. But there was no dancing around the subject, the guys wanted straightforward answers. I knew I had to tell them the truth. “Look guys, I haven’t really been telling you the entire truth about all of this. I…I’m not gonna be coming home.” I quickly checked their responses before continuing. “I’m paralyzed, guys. I can’t move or feel anything below my biceps. I can’t take care of myself anymore, and I don’t expect you guys to do that for me. I still have a long way to go before I’m even out of the hospital.”
Silence. Nothing but awkward silence filled the room. This was exactly how I didn’t want their visit to turn out. Against my will, tears slowly brimmed my eyes as I rapidly blinked, trying to kill them before anyone noticed their presence. But everyone noticed. I could feel it. Everyone’s heads were down, staring at the floor or scuffling their shoes. All but Tuck’s. He knew the situation was killing me and offered his sympathy from across the room with his clear, hazel eyes. Those stupid, unborn tears had already created a rising tension in the room.
And then…the unthinkable. Just when I thought that it couldn’t get any worse…it became mortifying. An unmistakable stench was slowly circulating around the room, filling everyone’s noses as quickly as it passed by. From the look on Tuck’s face, he knew what had happened long before anyone else. And then, as soon as it began it was over. I had officially shit myself in front of all of my closest friends, and there was nothing I could do about it. Ollie’s face had a look on it that is hard for me to think about even now. A look of sadness clouded his normally cheery expression. If I didn’t know Ollie better, I would say that he looked like he was ready to cry. He knew what had happened, and I think that was when he officially grasped the reality of the situation; I was helpless. Like a man in an infant’s body, I needed someone to care for the most basic of my human needs. He took this newly deducted information a lot harder than I thought he would. Soon I sure he would cry. Zane and Emmett just hung back behind him, as if they thought I would forget about them if I couldn’t see them.
Just as soon as I was sick of the silence and ready to demand that they leave, Ollie cracked a joke. “Damn, Skelly. You’re really living it up here. You’ve got it made! I wish someone would come wipe my ass every time I took a shit. What are you paying these people?”
Though there was a huge smile on his face, two tears quietly slipped from the corners of both his eyes. I genuinely smiled for the fist time since they’d come and let out a muffled laugh. I heard Zane suppress his trademark snort from the corner of the room. And Emmett, well, Emmett just looked horrified at the prospect of us laughing about what had just happened. Ollie turned to look at him and that was all it took. Ollie, Zane, myself, and even Tuck burst out laughing when we could hold it in no longer. Emmett only looked bewildered.
As soon as our laughter died down I directed my attention at Emmett. “It’s okay to laugh, you know. This is a really weird time for my body, and I haven’t adjusted to it yet. It’s just as gross to me as it is to you, but it’s something I can’t do anything about. So lighten up, I promise I won’t care if you laugh at me.”
With that said, Emmett visibly relaxed a little and looked somewhat at ease. I spoke up again. “Guys, what happened sucks…bad. But it can’t be changed so I just have to live with it now. All I ask of you guys is that you just be your normal selves around me and help me through this. You guys are the only family I have, and I don’t want things to get awkward between us. Do you think things can go back to being as normal as possible?” Each one of them nodded solemnly. And then Zane farted. Again, everyone burst out laughing and the atmosphere became more casual and comfortable.
They ended up staying another half hour before Tuck practically pushed them out the door. They all left promising to come back next week. I looked over at Tuck as he closed the door behind them. “Why did you have to hurry them out like that? We were having a good time.”
Tuck came over and pulled my sweatpants down around my ankles. “That’s why.” He pointed to my leg bag which was so full it was bulging.
“Oh shit. Do you think they could see it through my sweatpants?”
“I’m sure they did, that’s how I noticed you needed a fresh bag. But unlike me, they most likely had no idea what it was. I doubt they’re familiar with catheters and leg bags.”
Tuck was probably right. I was sure they hadn’t the slightest clue as to what a catheter was or where it went. If they had, my leg bag would have been the topic of choice for discussion earlier. Ever since I’d told them it was okay to ask questions, they’d become a lot more relaxed with my body and would occasionally punch me lightly on the shoulder or rest a hand by my feet at the end of the bed. With every touch I felt almost as if they were accepting me in their own way, letting me know I was still just ‘one of the guys’. I knew this would never entirely be the case again, but the effort they put forth to make things as normal as possible for the time being made me feel good.
Instead of just changing the bag, Tuck went ahead and changed the catheter too. After he pulled the tubing out my dick just laid there limp and soft. I was disgusted by it. I wanted to see it alive and happy again so badly that I didn’t care if it happened during every bath by Tuck from then on out.
I couldn’t believe that tears had already sprung to my eyes so easily. I was getting sick of being so emotional all the time, but this time I felt it was called for. Fat, silent tears rolled down my face and dripped off of my chin, landing on my chest. If Tuck noticed that I was crying, he wasn’t letting on. I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath, desperately trying to clamp off the tears. As close as I had gotten to Tuck, I didn’t want him to think I would have a big cry fest over every little thing. My eyes stayed shut until I noticed that I could no longer hear the usual sounds of Tuck going about changing my catheter.
I slowly opened one eye…and could not believe what I saw. Tuck’s hand was lovingly caressing my slack penis. He was gently rubbing his palm back and forth across it with such affection that I couldn’t help but watch in silent awe. Though I couldn’t feel it, the sight of Tuck rubbing the head of my soft dick was no less enjoyable. I didn’t dare say a word, fearful that I would ruin whatever this was. Tuck turned his head to look me in the eye as he ran two of his finely manicured fingers down the length of my dick and onto my ball sac. Because I couldn’t look Tuck in the eyes and watch what he was doing at the same time, I opted to follow his hand instead. To fix this problem Tuck slowly lowered his head down onto my stomach. He lifted his head again and then rested his chin on my right hip. Even though all of Tuck’s attention and touch was directed at my member, it still didn’t rise. I didn’t understand this because I was completely turned on. I couldn’t believe it, but I was actually attracted to Tuck. If I’d had the use of my body I would have turned him over and fucked him right then and there. But I didn’t, so I had to let Tuck do all the work, which wasn’t so bad.
So even though my dick was still withered and asleep on my stomach, Tuck took me into his mouth anyway. I could see his tongue working and the bulge of my lax penis against his cheek. He then sucked my cock from base to tip before letting it fall from his mouth and lay crumpled on my stomach once again. He repositioned himself at the foot of the bed and hoisted himself up so that he was actually on the bed with me. We were in the position as if I were a girl and he was about to eat me out. But I suddenly remembered with abhorrent shock that I had shit myself only thirty minutes earlier and had yet to be cleaned up. But Tuck had lowered himself onto the bed prepared. He was armed with wet-wipes. I had never seen him so lovingly clean me before. Every wipe was gentle and planned. Soon it was as if the embarrassing episode earlier had never even happened.
When I was officially wiped clean he lowered his head back down onto the bed. His gently pressed his nose into my ball sac as his chin applied pressure to my rectum. I had to keep a super sharp eye on everything now that he was almost out of view. As soon as I could no longer see him, I would lose connection with what was happening and the moment would be lost. But Tuck made sure this never happened. I watched his tongue slide out of his mouth and slip in between my cheeks. He thrust his tongue deeper into my ass with every passing moment. I had never wanted anything as badly as I wanted to feel Tuck’s touch now. I watched his tongue leave a faint, glistening trail of saliva as it traveled back up over my limp dick and into my bellybutton. From there his tongue danced in small circular motions until reaching my nipples where he lightly bit down. This was the first of my body he’d touched all night that had sensation, so it was like an explosion of pleasure all at once, taking me by surprise.
After tenderly sucking on the tip of each nipple his tongue traveled further up, finding my mouth. Tuck didn’t kiss me right away. Instead he let his lips lightly graze mine as his tongue slowly outlined my mouth. The tip of his delicate nose lightly stroked my own as he brought his hands up to my face, carefully maneuvering them through the sturdy bars of my halo. I let his fingers caress my face then gingerly outline every groove from my cheeks to my eyebrows. I relished his touch. Aside from my chest, my face was all that was left for Tuck to pleasure me from. Tuck’s lips still danced around the corners of my mouth; never settling. I waited an eternity for his kiss, but it still never came. I wanted so desperately just to be able to lean forward and passionately press my lips into his.
“What do you want me to do, Skelly?” His voice was soft and coaxing.
“I want you to turn me over and fuck me, Tuck. But for now I’ll settle for a kiss.”
A huge smile spread across his face which was only inches from my own. “There’s so many places I want to kiss you at. I can’t decide,” he teased.
“Just fucking kiss me.”
And he did. I felt his tongue explore and embrace every inch of my mouth. His lips were so soft. I couldn’t help but think about those soft lips running up and down the length of my sleeping dick. Tuck had an amazing gift at that, I had to be honest with myself. The only thing left wanting was my ability to actually feel it. I loved witnessing him touch and massage my cock, but it just didn’t seem right without being able to feel it. After our kiss Tuck somewhat abruptly sat up and rolled of me. “What’s wrong?” I asked, straining my eyes to see what he was doing.
He smoothed out his shirt and ran a hand alongside his hair. “It’s not safe to do stuff like that in here. I’m surprised we got to go at it as long as we did. Normally another nurse would have come in to check on you by now.” He ran a hand along my chest and neck, stopping at my jaw and gently cupping it. “I would do this all day long if I had my way. But I don’t wanna lose my job. We can’t get caught, no matter what.” He pulled his hand back and picked up a fresh catheter. “But believe me, this isn’t the last time we’ll do this. You just be patient.”
Before inserting the tube into the head of my dick, Tuck bent down and took my cock into his mouth and throat. After closing his lips completely around it he slowly exposed me inch by inch until all that was left inside his mouth was my tip. With that done, he grabbed the rest of my dick with a steady fist and let the remainder of me fall from his lips.
It was kind of depressing going from such an extremely fulfilling activity to watching Tuck insert a catheter again. After securing my leg bag in place he pulled the sweats back up. “Oh, don’t look so down, Skelly. You have a big day coming up next week that you should be looking forward to.” He slid a fat pillow under my butt and continued talking. “It will be so much better once that halo is off. You’ll be able to start real therapy and be fitted for your wheelchair. And we’ll have a lot larger range of motion for…times like these.”
He giggled a little then winked. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted what we did today to happen. I went out on a limb after your friends left. I wasn’t sure how you’d respond, but I couldn’t let the opportunity pass. And now I’m really glad I didn’t. I wasn’t sure if I should just come right out and ask if you were gay or not; so I took another approach.”
The last thing he said startled me. “But…but I’m not gay.”
Tuck scoffed. “Oh please, Skelly. What I did to you was about as far from heterosexuality as you can get. And you loved every second of it, don’t deny it. I saw your face. You wanted more.”
Everything he’d just said was true. I did enjoy it. A lot. In fact, much more than I ever had when one of my girlfriends sucked me off. And this time I couldn’t even feel it.
I felt really bizarre at that moment. Was I gay? Then I decided if what I did with Tuck today, the most amazing sexual experience of my life, meant that I was gay…then so be it. Tuck made me feel awesome about myself and I could see his admiration for me just by looking in his eyes. I closed mine and let myself think about what it would be like to freely move my head and neck again.
My good thoughts were clouded, though, when I suddenly remembered the whole wheelchair aspect. I knew that I should have seen a wheelchair as my outlet to being moderately independent, but I couldn’t help but think of it in a negative way. I knew that once I was in the wheelchair there was no mistaking my handicap. At least in bed I looked somewhat normal.
Tuck motioned for me to stick out my tongue so he could place my little, blue “happy” pill on it. It quickly dissolved under my tongue. The sensation brought back memories from the night of my accident. My dissolving happy pill wasn’t too dissimilar from the hit of acid I took that night. Tuck’s rustling around plucked me from my memories. “It’s time for you to get some rest. You’ve had quiet an evening.”
And with that he placed my soft, lifeless hand in his, brought it up to his mouth, and sweetly kissed my curled fingers. Before he could notice the wretched tears brimming my eyes again, he settled my hand back into its resting place on my unresponsive lap and walked into the hallway, closing the door behind him as he left.